Anyone who watches House Hunters knows there are words and phrases used in nearly every episode. It’s not so much a format as it is that people are just all annoying and when they get in front of a camera, they get really annoying.
So for the House Hunters newbies, or just anyone else like me who loves making fun of House Hunters almost as much as he loves watching House Hunters, I’ve decided to compile the most-used words and phrases from every episode of House Hunters; a dictionary if you will. So let’s get to it.
Man Cave. A room in an overpriced house, 10 minutes away from her parents, usually the finished basement, where a man can hide from his wife and children while he waits for his imminent death.
Double vanities. Two bathroom sinks in a master en-suite bathroom that the wife will absolutely not budge on because the farther away from her husband — especially in the morning — she can get the better.
Price range. An amount of money, usually more than $600,000, that a young newly-married couple has somehow been approved for to spend on their new, 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom, colonial in the heart of the city, but on a quiet street with no neighbors and a giant backyard for their Labradoodle. Spoiler alert: they’ll find some wiggle room to go over their budget.
Granite. A type of countertop that is one’s reason for living. The only thing more important than granite countertops is stainless steel appliances. What is everyone going to do when they find out quartz is now the in thing?
His and her closets. A huge walk-in closet with just enough space for all of her clothes and shoes, and an unknown space we never hear about or see for his clothing after she says to him “this is a great closet for all of MY things.”
Open floor plan. A house with absolutely no walls and no beams or retaining walls. Just let the roof cave in because they both love to cook and they love to talk to people in the other room while they cook. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
Perfect kids room. A room that hasn’t been pre-determined as a man cave, home office or craft room that the realtor, overstepping her boundaries, suggests would be perfect for the couples’ yet-to-be-conceived child. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, JANET.
Curb appeal. The way the house looks on the outside, usually well-manicured and pristine enough to make the new neighbors jealous, despite not wanting to ever been seen or heard by the neighbors.
Move-in ready. A house that has original hardwood floors throughout, an updated kitchen, four beds, thee baths, centrally located, near the train hopefully priced at $24,000.
Paint color. The color of the interior walls that is definitely a deal-breaker because everyone knows PAIN IS PERMANENT.
Charming. A phrase the realtor uses for the third house that they’re never going to buy because it is basically a cardboard box 100 miles away from their target area.
Carpet. The absolute worst thing to ever happen to a house. Nothing is worse than not having original hardwoods throughout. Seriously, just burn the house down and move on.
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